I’ve established in previous posts that Superman is a liar, a creep who pimps out his cousin to dudes with werewolf curses, and a misogynist who regularly assaults women. He also has an army of robot slaves.
Superman has gone to great lengths over the years to protect his “secret” identity (he knows we all know, right?). One time, he kidnapped an air force pilot suffering from amnesia and forced him to go on national television pretending to be Clark Kent so he and Superman could be in the same room at the same time.
Don’t worry. Superman totally gave the guy his memory back…by making him dizzy?
He’s also employed other cunning ruses involving rubber masks, dummies, and “super-ventriloquism” over the years before somehow getting smart enough to build life-like super-powered duplicates of himself programmed to call him “master.”
Did I mention he keeps his robots in his closet?
Also, they were self-aware, sentient beings with with wants and needs.
They can also do neat robot tricks.
Even if they do have a few design flaws…
Superman also made a bunch of weird ones that obviously aren’t him and are thus useless in protecting his secret identity.
He also told all the people most likely to guess who he is about the existence of these robots, thus further defeating their alleged purpose in helping keep his identity secret.
It’s almost as if he’s not really trying that hard to protect his secret identity after all.
Could it be Superman’s public insistence on using his robot slaves to protect his identity is yet another elaborate lie designed to misdirect us from the truth that he is amassing a robot army with which to enslave the world?
I know what you’re thinking: if Superman wanted to enslave the world he could. And sure, he probably could. But in order to rule, he’d need governors in every country to carry out his will. Who better than robot slaves made in your own narcissistic image, incapable of rising up against you?
Luckily for us, fate has thwarted Superman’s plans.
Pollution, overpopulation, and man-made radiation have…uh…somehow rendered the Superman robots inoperable. Thanks, Obama.